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WPCNR THE SUNDAY  BAILEY. By John F. Bailey. Republished from The CitizeNetReporter of June 17, 2007:

This week celebrates the birthday of a great American

Charles F. Bailey.

He is my father. He was born November 17, 1918.

My father gave me four pieces of advice in life: Always drive an air-conditioned car. Always centrally air-condition your home. Stay out of court.

And, oh yes, don’t sit in traffic. Take the next exit and wing it.

Always take the service road on the Long Island Expressway. (He would have loved a Garmin.)

In retrospect, his advice has served me well.  I am always comfortable. I sit out traffic delays in comfort. I have not made lawyers rich.

Charles F. Bailey

My Dad

Pleasantville, NY

1918-1986

He was not an emotional man. He was a banker and always wore suits to work. I have fond memories of going to meet him at the Steam Engine commuter train in Pleasantville – when  the train tracks were at grade with Manville Road at the old stone station.

I was most impressed as a young child by how he always smelled of coal cinders when he got off the train – like commuter’s cologne.

Sadly on today’s electric trains you do not get that. And you always heard those steam engines coming. Chuffing seriously.

You could see them: Clouds of very busy and inspiring industrious black smoke streaming at the horizon down the line. He’d get off the train.

My mother would move over and he’d drive the old Hudson Hornet home. He always spoke quietly. Never raised his voice. Drank scotch and soda in the winter. “G & T’s” in the summer, martinis with George and Howard two close friends. He smoked Chesterfield, Philip Morris, Marlboros, Kents.

He set up a Lionel train set in our basement – perhaps our unspoken connection. When I was sent in by train for the first time to meet him at the office during Christmas time, He’d have his secretary greet me at Grand Central Terminal which still is a very big and scary place.

He would take me to lunch at Jack’s Monte Rosa Restaurant on 49th Street – which I thought was a very great place. Hub bub, tinkling glasses. Sharp-dressed waiters.

When I first went to it with him, I was a little disappointed that it was not more glamorous but I was really impressed that Jack the owner greeted him by name. I thought that was great that my Dad was greeted with respect.

When I first started working in Washington, D.C. in 1968 I ate regularly at a restaurant below the television station WMAL-TV where I worked, it was called Marty’s Italian Village.  Marty, the owner (who looked like Humphrey Bogart, the only thing missing was the white sport coat) started calling me when I came in around 7 PM, ‘Hi John, how are you?” People would look at me. They thought I was big.  I liked that. Feeling big in my small world.

When my father came to visit me in Washington where I worked. I took him around town. I told him when he got off the plane. “Hi, Dad, welcome to my town.” I wanted to impress him. We’re always trying to impress our fathers.

Another Father time was when my Dad came out for Dad’s Day at college. I mean this was a big thing to me. He watched me do play-by-play of a football game from atop the press box in 15 degree weather. It was cold. But he watched. Acted impressed. He hated cold weather.

Another time he impressed was when I lost a job where I was working at the television station that I was being considered for. I told him how unfair it was, he put things in perspective:

“Puggy, he said,  “The film manager wasn’t going to put you in as his Assistant if you were going to be bucking him all the time.” It put things in perspective. No false sentiment. No making me feel better, he was tough enough to teach by being realistic while telling me not to feel sorry for myself.

Then later in my career, I was fired out of a job completely blindsided. He again intervened, saying to me he thought what the agency head had done was a terrible thing. I needed that at the time.

He also, in a very supportive move, told me if I could make $1,000 a night writing a free lance direct mail package, I should keep trying to do that.

Dads are there to say the right things to you at the right time. Sometimes it is not always the right thing, but they try. Often, if you’re lucky, as I was, they say the right thing. Not the wrong thing.

With my father, who was not really my father, since I was an adopted child, it was never all about him, it was all about you. Making me better, even when it hurt him to say things that were the truth.

When I bought my first house in White Plains. He never criticized the house. But when I sold it, he complimented me, “I think it’s great how you came out of it (the crummy first house).” He was a personal trainer.

The good ones  train you to run a race. If you stumble, no one hurts more than they do. When you succeed, no one is prouder. The good ones push you in front of the cameras, they say interview her or him. They did it.

They know what you should do, but they can’t tell you, because you won’t do it if you’re a kid.

But the more subtler of them tell you any way in hopes it will sink in to the rebellious offspring mind. My dad was subtle.

Another fond memory: My father took me camping once at a friend’s cabin in Pennsylvania. Funny thing was there was such a great comic collection we wound up sleeping in sleeping bags on the porch of the cabin. That was funny.

Another time when I was being threatened in college over a position at the radio station, I asked him if I should just abdicate and assign a play-by-play position to the person who was being forced on me. He advised me to “stick to your guns,” so I reported the threat to the Dean.

The position was compromised, but I was never threatened again.  He never shared my love for baseball and sports. In fact he never played catch with me all that well or that often.

I mean I could have made the big leagues (pipe dream) if he played catch with me more. But that’s a small criticism.  I wish I had more of his financial acumen. But I do not.

As you grow into your 30s and 40s, little things they say to you you begin to understand. My father never struck me, but always disciplined me with quiet words. I have not always been that way as a parent myself, being somewhat volatile. I wish I had his even temperament. He always asked me to take care of my mother. And the only time he really got mad at me was when I had made my mother upset with me.

He was a little like Humphrey Bogart in movie roles in the way he disciplined, I remember he would say admonitions quietly. Such as when I got an F in an English course at college. He told me, that was the last F I would get at Ohio Wesleyan, because the next one he would stop paying my tuition.

That had an effect. And that was when tuition was only $3,000 a year.

I have taken to after my children have grown, telling them always “Be careful,” “Don’t do anything stupid because someone suggests it,” “Do not go anywhere alone without telling people where you are going,” “Don’t lose your temper,” “Don’t tailgate.” In hopes that when I am not with them, they will remember it when they need it.

I think of him every day of my life. I become more like him every day. He is always lingering in the background of my thoughts. I do not know what he would think of what I am doing now.  But, he’d say — “If that’s what you want to do. Do it.” He also would say, “You have to make yourself happy.”

I also think, even today of what advice (laconic as always) he’d give me in a situation. I wish I could discuss property taxes with him. Banking today and how it has become a predator system.

I especially have to salute him, because I am an adopted child.

That alone makes me appreciate his love and acceptance with a sense of awe to this day. He loved me like his own son. Because in his mind, I was. He took responsibility.

You never outgrow your need for Dad. The good ones are immortal, alive and with you in your head when you need them. Immortality is leaving a good memory of you with the ones who knew you.

Because what you gave them, lives on for generations.

WPCNR CORONAVIRUS REPORT. From Governor Andrew M. Cuomo November 20, 2020:

New York State continues to remain on guard as Thanksgiving approaches. While the State’s COVID numbers are better relative to most of the nation, we have still seen an uptick in the number of total COVID hospitalizations, and test positivity rates in many parts of the state that are higher than we’d like to see. Western New York, with a 4.84 percent test positivity rate on a 7-day average, is of particular concern. Remember: As New Yorkers, we decide our own destiny. What happens next is not written in stone. Help combat “living room spread” by avoiding gatherings with people outside of your household. Get tested if you have symptoms or have reason to believe you were exposed to the virus. Wear a mask, particularly indoors. And stay New York Tough. 

Tip of the Day: If you hosting Thanksgiving, you must limit the number of guests to no more than 10 people. Here’s what else you need to know tonight: 

1. New cluster zone restrictions went into effect for businesses today. The changes include two new Yellow Zones in the Bronx, a new Orange Zone in Erie County, a new Yellow Zone in North Tonawanda, NY, and an expanded Yellow Zone in Queens. See which restrictions apply in which color of zone here. See all the maps here.  

2. The positivity rate in the micro-cluster focus areas was 4.55 percent. Excluding these areas, it was 2.15 percent. Of the 205,466 tests reported yesterday, 5,468, or 2.66 percent, were positive. Total hospitalizations rose to 2,348. Sadly, we lost 32 New Yorkers to the virus.

 3. Yesterday, New York reported a record-high number of tests. New York reported 205,466 tests, a new record. Testing is one of the best tools against this virus. You can easily search for a testing site near you here. You can also call 1-888-364-3065 to make an appointment at a New York State-run testing location. 

4. Small business owners can check if they are eligible for New York State support programs or incentives. There are a number of business incentives that small business owners may be able to take advantage of. To get started, simply answer questions about your business and New York’s Business Express Incentive Wizard will provide a list of New York State programs and services that could help your business get off the ground.  

Tonight’s “Deep Breath Moment”: Aretha Franklin will be inducted in the National Women’s Hall of Fame in this year’s virtual induction ceremony. Located in Seneca Falls, NY, the organization will honor the Queen of Soul and five other Black women on December 10th, in a ceremony that will be broadcast online. If you were forwarded this email, you can subscribe to New York State’s Coronavirus Updates here. 

Ever Upward, Governor Andrew M. Cuomo