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WPCNR  FUNNY PAPERS By John F. Bailey. October 1, 2006: Unlike the legendary rumpled scotch drinking reporters of yore, the Runyans, Winchells, Sullivans, Kilgallens and Parkers this reporter does not have a Table 51 reserved for him, though the White Plains Week “News Amigos” have been known to frequent City Limits and Sam’s of Gedney Way.

 Now why is that? I suggest it is because City Limits and Sam’s of Gedney Way, The Sports Page (America’s original sports bar), and The Bengel Tiger, give you a White Plains experience. You have the chains: Legal Seafood and Applebee’s, and the quintessential high class places: Trotter’s and Mulino’s, Luna, Coughlins, and Cafe Blue and the solid pizza, neighborhood restaurant places: Magnotta’s, Francesco’s and Italian Pavilion. Then you have the sports bars.   Now, I got to thinking the other night that White Plains has potential niche audiences that can create restaurant “experiences” Dream along with me and get out your bankroll:

The Brief — The lawyer’s bar.

You can’t walk the sidewalks of  White Plains without bumping into a lawyer, so I would open a lawyer’s bar. Perhaps in Mr. Cappelli’s 189 Street address.  I’d call it The Brief — the wall covering would be  famous caselaw like Hockley-Delgado,  Concerned Citizens for Open Space vs. New York Presbyterian Hospital.  Barristers could brush up on their Shakespeare while waiting for those heavyweight developer clients to arrive. The maitre d’ would be behind a Judges Bench.

Tables would be separated by typical courtroom ballustrades with swinging ornate gates. Glaring down from the high ceiling domed interior would be portraits of White Plains Judges: JoAnn Friia, Kenneth Lange, get the picture, counselors?  

Serving personnel (Bailiffs) would be dressed in court officer uniform. The bar area would be a double-decked juror’s box.  And, of course an ornate chandelier. Television sets over the Jury Box bars would tune to Court TV. Court proceedings from the Westchester County Court House and City Court would be piped in on closed circuit TV (illegal — but generous rights fees in a bankrupt state should overturn that.)

The Rotunda — The City Hall Restaurant

Strolling down Main Street in the not too distant future after the White Plains city administration sells the municipal garage for a new Municipal Building, City Hall will be turned into a museum and restaurant for the City of White Plains and Westchester County (Westchester County does not have a museum for itself).

To support the museum there will be restaurant I call The Rotunda, with the Common Council Chambers transformed with white tablecloth elegance, the menus will be “Agendas,” each patron will have a name plate at miniature “Council desks” with portraits of past Councilpersons staring kindly down at them. Specials would be read-aloud as Additions to the Agenda. 

The Mayor’s Office, the Executive Officer’s office and Conference Room: “Where White Plains Deals are cut” can be reserved for special occasions where chinese food in paper containers, trays of deli sandwiches piled high, and pizza can be ordered to simulate real city hall meetings of the past. Meals would be prepared by “Consulting Chefs,” a different chef and meal cuisine every month, and the meals would be Lutece-expensive. Servers would be young men in white shirts and ties with long sleeves rolled up, ties slightly loose for nostalgia’s sake. Complimentary cellphones to consulting advisors would be at each table. Former city employees and commissioners (the list of “former Commissioners” has been growing lately) would enjoy a lifetime discount.  

Ritz Restaurants We’d Like to See

Lou’s Developer’s Den

Strolling down from City Hall and into the North Condominium tower of the completed Ritz Carlton, in a little side bar off the Ritz,  the movers and shakers of White Plains will enjoy themselves at Lou’s Developer’s Den, where the wall coverings are site plans, the tables drafting tables, slightly tilted, with light boxes to discuss slides of renderings over lunch. The servers would be outstanding young men and women, dressed in typical construction worker garb, bandanas, vests, boots utility jeans who will phone in your order on their walkee-talkees to the kitchen. Models of projects The Super Developer has built and has in progress would decorate the alcoves. The long bar would be four steel beams — the bartenders will wear hardhats. The televisions would be tuned to MSNBC, The Travel Channel, to stimulate ideas. A couple of small earth-moving machines in the corners. The ceilings low, of course, also steel beams.

White Plains Vegas World

Should the rough and tumble of The Developer’s Den not be to your taste, simply take the elevator up to the 50th Floor and avail yourself of one of two restaurants in the sky overlooking White Plains and Westchester — White Plains Vegas World— a casino in the sky, with games of chance every night for charity — a perpetual gala fundraiser where monies gambled and lost go directly to charity, and monies won purchase a meal. All the great games will be there: Black Jack, Poker, slots (where you play for meal chips), and the atmosphere of Las Vegas will prevail. Tjhe perfect entertainment. Sound like fun? You bet it is!

Dames & Divas

On the Main Street side of the Ritz — off the hotel lobby,  I envision Dames & Divas  the restaurant for women on their way, who’ve arrived and are at the top. Fashion shows at luncheon and dinner featuing men and women’s fashion. Salads and fish and vegetables only. Luxurious ladies lounges only, with no porcelain tile. Posh booths, elegant china with French Antique telephones at every table. The video screens tuned to Oprah, The View, The Katie Couric Evening News. The servers: only men.

Delfino’s

At the top of the 55 Story south tower — is the other restaurant in the sky: Delfino’s —  complete with its Renaissance Room a place dedicated to America’s Favorite Mayor — the projects he has built, pictures of the Mayor down through the years — as consummate salesman, public servant and leader. It’s decorated in the City Hall cherrywood paneling that evokes the atmosphere Delfino loves. The restaurant will rotate to show all views of Westchester County, and points North and South.

  The servers  in suits will say, “I can’t thank you enough for coming, welcome to Delfino’s” It’s a no-nonsense men’s place that cuts through and serves classic American food and Apple Pie.

Deadline USA

That not to your liking? You’re more the cynical journalist type? Then stroll down to the Old Reporter Dispatch building and duck into my fantasy reporter’s bar, Deadline USA.  Inside you’ll find teletype tickers clacking away the new of the world from the AP and UPI, plus television screens tuned to News 12, CNN, Fox News, the BBC,  — every news channel, plus every latest edition of the world’s great newspapers. Clocks on the wall will read out the times of the world: LONDON MOSCOW BAGHDAD ROME LOS ANGELES KANSAS CITY CHICAGO WHITE PLAINS. The tables, with newsprint table cloths will each have a portable typewriter and a complimentary pack of Luckys and ashtray, and green bankers lamps. The wallpaper will have famous frontpages of all time.  Servers will be cuties in 1940s suits, wearing pillbox hats with little “PRESS” tags on their lapels. The waiters also in suits will wear fedoras. The soundtrack — 1940s swing. Movies will play continuously of famous newspaper movies like His Girl Friday. The bar will be long and in cherry wood, with editor-types in eyeshades

Then of course, there’s other restaurants I’d like to see:  the Planners & Players Cafe — the short order restaurant that looks like the interior of the White Plains planning department; CCOS on the Green — the outdoor restaurant on Silver Lake, and the Public Safety restaurant, Badge & Hose for law enforcement and fire types — where the police scanner forms the soundtrack, menus are delivered in code. The restaurant is divided into divisions.

Just one of these establishments would brighten up the White Plains scene considerably.

WPCNR Symphony Hall. From Ann Brady, Purchase College. October 1, 2006: The brass trio B3+ will perform an exciting mix of Bartok, Pastorius, Schubert, Bach, early classical music, jazz standards, free jazz, original music, and interpretations of pop tunes and Welsh hymns Thursday, October 5 at 7:30 PM in the Recital Hall of the Music Building at Purchase College.  B3+, featuring Purchase College Music Professor John Clark, will play music for brass like you have never heard, seen or experienced before. The concert, “New Music for Brass Trio,” is free and open to the public.

 B3+ features Clark on French horn, Franz Hackl on trumpet and Dave Taylor on bass trombone.

Horn player and composer John Clark has performed all over the world with a diversity of musicians. He has worked with Frank Sinatra, Isaac Hayes, Billy Joel, B.B. King, the Paul Winter Consort, Linda Ronstadt, Joe Lovano, LL Cool J, the New York City Ballet Orchestra, Brooklyn Philharmonic, the Aspen Wind Quintet, McCoy Tyner, Gil Evans and Carla Bley, among others. He has appeared with both the Carnegie Hall and Lincoln Center Jazz Bands. He also has extensive credits to his name in both television and commercial work.  

Trombonist Dave Taylor began his career as a member of Leopold Stokowski’s American Symphony Orchestra and appeared with the New York Philharmonic under Pierre Boulez. He also was a member of the Thad Jones-Mel Lewis Jazz Band, and recorded with Duke Ellington (The New Orleans Suite), the Rolling Stones, and Blood, Sweat and Tears. He has recorded four solo albums and presented recitals throughout the world. He has appeared and recorded with Yo Yo Ma, Itzhak Perlman, Wynton Marsalis, Barbara Streisand, Miles Davis, Quincy Jones, Frank Sinatra and Aretha Franklin. He has won the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences Most Valuable Player Award for five consecutive years. In 1998, he performed on four Grammy-nominated recordings: The J.J. Johnson Big Band, Dave Grusin’s West Side Story, the George Gruntz Concert Jazz Band and the Randy Brecker Band, the last two winning their category.

Austrian-born trumpeter Franz Hackl began touring internationally at the age of 11. After frequent collaborations with leading international jazz artists, he focused more on composition and leading his own projects. These have included works for full orchestra, diverse chamber groups, choral works and multi-media events. He wrote the original music for the launch of the United Nations event “Year of the Mountains” and the opening of the Austrian Cultural Forum in New York City. He has also created music for film and advertising.