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The Ballad Of 

The  Impossible Drive

 

Eli Manning: The Mississippi Slinger

Listen Big Blue Fans and you shall hear

Of the Rebel Kid without fear,

On the 3^rd of February, 08, in Season 07

Every NY fan who saw his Impossible Drive

Will remember this famous day and year.

 

With evil New England ahead 14-10,

The Kid’s Giants were all thought done.

Pundit and sportscaster, fan, swell and exploiter

Thought with but 2:42 on scoreboard clock,

The peerless leader had too many yards to reconnoiter.

 

“Impossible to penetrate the Patriot defense steadfast,

He cannot get this done. Belichick the genius will stop them at last

Crown New England the most illustrious team of the NFL past.

Through blitz and blast, Number 10 surveyed the 83 yards to glory.

With shock of dark lock and furrowed brow,

He bent to his task to write the gridiron’s most improbable story.

 

Then he said “HUT. HUT.HUT” and stamped his right foot,

A swing pass to Toomer for 11 yards  on the sideline to the Big Blue 28

Started the drive of all-time. Two passes fell short, one thrown late,

The second a TD if Plaxico had not had the misfortune to hesitate,

 

The despair of the hopeful millions reached a low,

3^rd & 10 on the 28 with 2 minutes left

Giant fan hopes were bereft.

The Quarterback Kid threw up the middle against a blitz of Patriot mortality

The elegant Toomer catches the pass in traffic a yard shy at the NY37

 and it is one play for the season.

 

Fourth and 1 on the Giant 37 hash,

New England had but to close the door for immortality.

Eli coolly gave the ball to  Jamming Jacobs on a drive for the crucial first. 

 

The Giant white line rips the New England blue wall asunder

Jacobs driving through the gap in the grass. The “ Impossible” is  alive in an eruption of thunder.

 

From the 39 now, Eli the Dream-believer, trapped runs to the 44 right

Stopped after 5 yards and the clock of doom is stopped

In rush of fearsome blue, the Ole Miss Rebel has pass batted down.

Is it New England’s night?

On a 3^rd and 5, a play for the Pantheon, blue Patriot hordes charge!

 

Over the top , here  comes the beef ,

splitting, thrusting aside valiant defenders scattering red numbers

Tattooed arms the size of  Glouster pilings – chests wide as Peterbilts descend over the Mississippi slinger slight.

 

 But with nimble dodge and gambler guile, Eli the Eel slips out of the decending  pile,

Out from under the deluge,  an elegant flip of a  high right hand  launches a  humpback

Floating Missile over the middle in tantilizing arching style.

 

It finds the kid from Montclair  at the Pat 24–  the incomparable Tyree

 Between two Patriot pickets, up, up, up the big guy climbs. He tips! He juggles at the crest; 

Fights off the claws of defenders distraught

Clasping pigskin to  back of his  helmet, Tyree never lets it  go to save the day.

With the toughness of Bavaro,

Crashing to greensward white line, he cradles the pass to nowhere

to chest and it is caught!

The ballet of brute grace gives the Missisissippi slinger four cards to play.

 

Belichick’s behemoths come with blue wave and drive Eli to earth for a last timeout.

Four plays for glory. Anxiety afflicts New Englanders. Hope for the impossible is dared to shout.

A pass to Tyree falls and it is 3^rd and 11 on the 26.  Another sure schtick

 

Like a Tennessee sharpshooter, the young Rebel slings a waist-high rifle shot

To the nimble Smith at the far side down stick

With ballet twist, Smith twisting left brings the bullet in to his left waist

Between two defenders,

 Sidesteps around the stick to stop the dwindling seconds.

 

To the Yankee 13  with no timeouts and New England reeling  in discord.

The Mississippi slinger drops back , the blue NY helmets hold off the desperate horde.

In mastermind Belichick’s dreams, he sees the single Hobbs  on Plaxico the Magnificent.

 

The Rebel with an Arm,  scans right, lofts “The Impossible Pass” with shrewd feint

New England’s hapless Hobbs has been fatally deked by Burress, now backpedaling in Disneyland waiting for 6 points to arrive!

Into the two hands of Plaxico the Magnificent  the ball floats to complete the Impossible Drive.

 

So as long as Giant fans who saw it they will remember and tell of   Eli’s Team

Of the Mississippi Slinger who slung the Giants into history.

Coughlin’s heroes of hope join the names of Giant Legends :

 Conerly,  Gifford, Tripplet,  Rote , Schnelker and Tunnell –

 

Place the laurel wreathes on the brows of Jacobs, Toomer, Smith,  Plaxico  and Tyree.

The defenders valiant join the likes of Huff, Big Mo and little Mo, Sva and Svo, Patton  and Lynch

Welcome Pierce, Strahan, Tuck, and Corey Webster. For as long as Giants fans who are alive

They will remember the teammates of  and the kids of

Eli Manning’s Impossible Drive.

WPCNR’S THE REAL DEAL By The Wedding Genie, Jeannie Uyanik. February 2, 2009: Do we have to have a bridal party?  Can we really have an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen?  Would it be possible for my best friend Joanne to officiate the wedding?  Should the ceremony start on time?  Does my father have to walk me down the aisle alone?  Is a receiving line mandatory?

 

Jeannie Uyanik, Planner to the World

The Wedding Genie

WPCNR Columnista

 

These are just a handful of commonly asked questions that we often get relating to the ceremony and the do’s and don’ts that often accompany its planning.  All are very straight forward and none of the answers rocket science, but sometimes it’s nice to have concrete responses from a professional.   And as we said in our first column, and we are sure that we will say in the last, the most important part of the entire day relates to the exchange of vows and the ceremony itself.  So as you plan your nuptials, make sure that the set-up that you have for the ceremony, religious or not, is one with which you feel comfortable. 

 

The questions that are most often addressed immediately about a ceremony relate not at all to the questions of marriage and how to ensure that you really are man and wife at the end of your ceremony.  The first questions surround the tricky business of anointing those closest to you part of the bridal party.  Depending on the ages of the couple (for those under 27) this is the most intense and exciting part of planning the wedding.  Who gets to be my maid of honor; who will be upset if they are not labeled a bridesmaid; how do I tell Marsha she is not in my wedding?  All valid questions; here is how to break it down. 

 

Especially for women in their 30’s, bridal parties have gone the way of poofy sleeves; out the window.  Your wedding party should be those nearest and dearest to you.  If the bride only has three friends that she adores and the groom 10, while it might look slightly askew to have 10 groomsmen and 3 bridesmaids, that’s certainly not a reason to add to or cut from either side.  The bridal party is not a fashion statement and it’s not a décor piece (although once in place, they certainly can be used as such).  It’s a way to surround yourself with those whom you trust and love the most and make them part of the inner circle on your wedding day. 

 

It’s not a time to repay friends for letting you be in their wedding party.  Just because someone asked you to be her Maid of Honor does not mean that you have to reciprocate.  If the feeling is not genuine behind the action, don’t take it.  If you have two future sister in laws, but you only want one in the bridal party (and there is no good excuse – i.e. the second is 40 years older) as to why one would be excluded, for the sake of family harmony, consider giving each other roles to avoid hurt feelings. 

 

It’s all common sense, but we will often have clients look at us with genuine confusion and ask “what do the books say”.  The bottom line of creating your bridal party and your recessional/processional (respectively who goes down the aisle when and how they all leave the ceremony area) is that you feel good about the outcome.  If you have a situation where you want to bend tradition (i.e. who gives the bride away) just be careful as to how you approach the situation, but make a decision that best suits you.  These are decisions that you are going to have as memories for the rest of your life and at the end of the day, the people who make up your bridal party (anyone who is part of the processional is how this is categorically described) should be those you love the most. 

 

Usually once the question of who gets to wear the dress and the rented tuxes are answered, everything else is a bit more straightforward.  Generally, for religious ceremonies, couples often choose an Officiant that represents their faith and often, whom is already known to the family.  If you want a religious ceremony, but no such person is known to you, or if you are getting married far from home, finding a religious Officiant is very easy; there is someone for every faith that can be brought in for the ceremony. 

 

After Joey on NBC’s hit show “Friends” officiated Monica and Chandler’s wedding, we saw a huge up-tick in couples wanting friends to marry them.  While this is a lovely sentiment and the internet has provided quick ways for regular people to be ordained, you must make sure that the chosen friend can eloquently administer your vows.  And, if you choose a friend, make sure that he or sure can project well and speaks easily in front of crowds. This like marriage is not something to be entered into lightly. 

 

Determining if you are having an on-site or off site ceremony is one of the first questions that should be answered as this will automatically set the stage for the rest of the day.  Timing for a ceremony depends greatly on the venue; many catering location and churches will not allow a “fake” invitation time, whereas all Jewish weddings mandate a ½ an hour earlier invitation to allow for the Ketubah signing.  Make sure that your venue or house of worship is aware of the invitation timing; don’t just assume that they will be ok with whatever time you choose. 

 

 Receiving lines are not common anymore, but still done occasionally.  Please allow at least 10 minutes for every 100 guests when calculating the timeline; not everyone just walks by with a kiss.  We often advise that greeting guests during the cocktail hour or the reception is more enjoyable for the couple and attendees.  But for more traditional ceremonies, a receiving line can be a gracious way to welcome and thank everyone more formally. 

 

If after reading all this, you still wonder if Uncle Bob needs to do a reading, please feel free to email us directly with specific questions and we will do our best to put all ceremony queries to rest seamlessly. 

 

 

 

 Note: Note: Ms. Uyanik knows all kinds of events! Got a question or a comment for the Wedding Genie? Ms. Uyanik will answer your questions. Simply e-mail her at [email protected]