WPCNR NEWS COMMENT. By John F. Bailey. September 25, 2008 UPDATED 11:45 P.M. UPDATED September 27, 2008 9 P.M: Behold, Americans, through the witchcraft of negotiation by our master congress, the great statemans, George W. Bush , and the cooperation of greatest deliberative legislative body and congressional leaders, Barney Frank, Nancy Pelosi, and our own Chuck Schumer — known to the free world, America is again on its way to recovery Sunday evening. Our government watchdogs have brought America back on the road to prosperity in 7 days after just two hours of negotiation Friday, (one day less than when God created the world), a lot of handwringing and postering by Republicans in the House of Representatives scared for their seats, and now on Sunday evening they have brought us prosperity in our time.
The Bail-Out — as Senator Pelosi called it “A Buy-In” is a done deal. Now there is a little nervousness about congress passing it. President Bush will even address the nation before the markets open on Monday morning.
Look out, world, that nasty old recession, the economic wreck is over! They’re just wranglin on who gets the credit.
Remember, in a joint agreement announced at 3 PM by the Associated Press, after two hours of negotiation Friday, our congress, as predicted by WPCNR this morning has reached an agreement on how the troubled security firms, banks, investment firms of all kinds will have their toxic assets made “whole” viable and good again through cash from congress. Whole lot of that lean, mean green is on the way!
And then…and then….and THEN — at 11:30 P.M. Friday, that deal appeared to be on the rocks with Republicans balking. But this is simply more ploy, more theatre. Do you think John McCain just might receive credit for bringing the Republican side around to “save” the deal, and appear to be “the leader” who brought the sides together — do you think? With the failure of Washington Mutual conveniently happening the same time the Republicans were balking, and the 11% drop in housing starts being announced too, the pressure is really on. After all how can the Republicans really take credit for creating economic Armageddon? Now it looks as if Big Mac just isn’t going to get any credit at all. But anyway…did we really think this was going to be voted down? Really?
WPCNR predicts this “BUY-IN” — (what a spin by Senator Pelosi!) will be known as the new WPA, reviving the initials for the largest relief program created by the Franklin Delano Roosevelt administration in the 30s that spent millions to employ millions out of work Americans in public work creation to get America working again.
The new WPA will be the Wealth Preservation Administration. The new “WPA” will be spending millions to preserve the wealth of several hundred firms maybe (we do not know how many) of private companies and their shareholders, stakeholders and customers and wipe out the bad debts incurred by those toxic assets they bundled and sold to other parties. The program will be paid for by 300 million Americans to preserve the wealth of comparatively few hundreds.
The congress trusts American business to go straight from now on out and get credit moving again with this leap of faith in the American entrepreneurial spirit. We just know they will do that. It is a wonderful thing.
But, in our congress’s wisdom, in saving the assets of the few they are, in their infinite wisdom, saving the assets of the many – preserving our retirement programs for the widow getting by on stock dividends, for the retiree relying on their money market funds, for the Wall Street trader getting by with just three houses in just three states, and guaranteeing supposedly an end to our depressed stock prices, and the dawn of the greatest Bull market of all time.
In the words of our peerless leader and the economic saviors of our time, Henry Paulson and the Depression Buster, Ben Bernanke – it is the best solution for all Americans to build confidence in the markets again and make the marketers of money feel confident enough to lend again.
In the agreement announced by the Associated Press, the conservative Republicans are even presenting an alternative program, with apparently enough votes corralled by the house leadership already to allow them to go back to their howling districts and say, “we didn’t vote for it, see!”
Something for everyone. It is the best of all worlds for all Americans. The wealth of congresspersons’ rich contributors is preserved. The big and little firms holding those toxic assets now know that they will have the nasty red ink mopped up off the books literally, knowing that the government will cover them to some extent that is not made clear, and they can tell capital injectors that they now don’t have to worry about all that nasty bad debt. “Oh those trillions – don’t worry about that – it’s in the past.”
If Frank Sinatra were alive he might be singing Witchcraft! And isn’t it great to know that perhaps Sara Palin had a hand in this. What a political bipartisan triumph for the American Way! It’s just a tribute to the way Amercans, especially rich ones when their wealth is threatened, can come together and solve the country’s problems miraculously. It’s marvelous! ‘s Wonderful! It’s American.
But, perhaps we owe the most to our wonderful Presidential candidates who by putting politics aside worked together too for the good of the country. The Big O and the Big Mac should be holding their hands together overhead with President Bush – the architect of the new prosperity – chanting “USA USA!” Mi$$ion Accomplished again.
Already we see a new dawn in America coming Monday morning! The new Bull Market has begun.
The wheelbarrow run at Home Depot has stopped, as people are no longer wheeling their wheelbarrows to pick up their money from their banks.
The stock market is already soaring. Loan officers nationwide are popping Prozac pills now to loosen their loan requirements. Banks are ordering up Hi-DEF Tvs from Circuit City and Wal mart to give away with each new mortgage. Interns are getting calls again on Wall Street. Surgeons are breathing sighs of relief.
Out of work stock traders from Lehman are being speed-dialed to come on back.
Bank telemarketers are calling up foreclosees and saying, “Hey we’ve been taking a look at your mortgage and I think we can work something out. Come on in, let’s talk!”
Did Sara Palin’s pastor perform an exorcism on the economy and congress, and her church a mass prayer for the economy? God is blessing America again. Is this a message?
Or did she use her good witch powers to cast a spell on congress. Perhaps she is sticking pins in dollars now to attract investors to buy these assets, bringing in her pastor to cleanse the bad debt God has punished Wall Street with. And most of all bless us with the confidence to lend, spend, invest and get America moving again.
It is a wonderful thing Congress has done.
It is amazing how a complete bill can be hammered out in 6 days. And they did not know anything about this seven days ago. It is government efficiency at its finest! Thank the lord for those Halliburton word processors!
Perhaps Mayor Joseph Delfino and Louis Cappelli were brought in the secret negotiations today. It has the touch of the masters this deal.
Once again, a muscling up Wall Street will spread in just three short days a rippling prosperity across the troubled land with the brawny, “can-do” confidence of an invigorated, debt free Wall Street, the Armani boys are back, once again prolifically endowed with instant capital again swearing to abide by the ethic of transparency, truth, exorcised balance sheets and can’t miss opportunities for you – just waiting for your money. Warren Buffet’s in for $5 Billion. “Buy, Wilbur, Buy!”
Come on in and make some money.
As the investment advisory letters of the past used to advertise: Dow $20,000?
But, perhaps I am waxing too optimistic. It must be my confidence. Perhaps my rosy scenario needs to be tamped down a bit.
We cannot expect economic upturn in 72 hours after all. (Sorry if we are stepping on some lines already being set for press conferences tomorrow.)
After all the $750 Billion Enchilada will take its way to work through the nation’s food chain before it works its magic beefing up the waist lines and the wallets and credit lines of the rest of us.
After all the Wizards of Wall Street, Hank and Ben said it will take many months for the big dollars, that have to be “raised” to cover those assets.
But the confidence, the swagger, the moxie is back, the confidence is back.
You feel America’s wallet filling again. Hear the new money rustle. It’s the Wall Street Hustle.
Perhaps we will see a Concert for America to raise the dollars for the bailout with the Beach Boys singing “Spend, Spend Spend America” to “Barbara Ann.”
Those earnest vanguards of the American financial machine the “Green Hornets” have had the toxic fuels removed from their engines and will be ready to lend, unfreeze the markets and let the good times roll again in mere days, right?
Next week the book agents and book deals will be sought: “Ben and Hank Save the Economy,” “Congress to the Rescue,” “Miracle on the Hill,” “America Comes Back,” “Big Mac’s Big Rescue.” “President Bush’s Greatest Mission,” “Mi$$ion Accomplished,” and the negative ones: “Bailout or
Sellout?” “How to Steal $750 Billion,” and the movies — “Midnight on Wall Street,” Starring Jack Nicholson as Ben Bernanke, and Harrison Ford (with shaved head) as Henry Paulson, there will be the talk shows – all of them. Already I see new money out there. Lots of it. It’s materializing as I write.
If Frank were still alive, I can hear him singing at the Concert for American Wealth, “Witchcraft” this way:
Those crisp new dollars in my wallet, honey…
That lovely windfall capital share in hand
That starts IPAs and stocks making lots of money
Building new houses, high rises, inventories grand
It’s Witchcraft!
And I’ve got a great use for it
The markets so in need of it
Homebuyers craving it
What good would not distributing it do?
Cause it’s witchcraft, lucrative witchcraft
And although, I know it’s strictly taboo
When you arouse the greed in me
When you preserve my salary, bonuses, and profits too
Wipe out those toxic debts, too
My heart says you bet your bottom dollar baby
Proceed with what I need you to do
It’s such a grand plan
One that gets America moving again
Cause there’s no nicer Congress than you
Look Out Old America’s Back Everybody!
