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WPCNR ON THE AISLE. Theatrical Review by John F. Bailey. February 22, 2009 UPDATED :

 

What do you get when you pick up a Jewish Toad?   The answer lies at the end of this crack review by your loyal reviewer, as soon as I finish this gin gimlet and whack this out, I’m already way past deadline.

 

 Yes, realtors, Wall Streeters, homeowners, landlords, retirees and the newly unemployed — just when all is looking bleak: Westchester staring Mr. Depression in the face, Wall Street ganiffs down to their last billion, when even the Federal Reserve doesn’t understand credit default and derivitives (they’re swindles)  and working people down to our last quarter to park in White Plains for 15 minutes — you need a good cruise — but, Oyvay, can’t afford it.  

 

Well, the  MeshuggaNuns – a habit all over the world for 26 years —  are holding a laugh, chuckle, smirk-a-thon nightly at sea docking at  Westchester Broadway Theatre.

 

 

All Aboard! The Mesuggah Nuns want to take you on a sea cruise! Reverend Mother (Bonnie Lee),(lower right) Sister Robert Anne (Deborah Del Mastro, Back row right) from good old Brooklyn USA, Sister Mary Paul (the world’s silliest nun, Jeanne Tinker, back row far left) and Sister Mary Hubert (Bambi Jones, front row left) bring you the innocent laughs of the past . That’s “Sarah Palin-sound-alike-look-alike” Cruise Director Melody Joy Lapidus (played beyond Tina Fey by Stephanie Wahl, second from left, back row), The Captain, (Ron Rogel) and Tevye (David Edwards, front Center) All Photo Actualities Courtesy, WBT, by John Vecchiola.

 

The humor is downright corny, delivering good old entertainment from days gone by when you went out looking for laughs, to get your mind off trouble, even when you knew it was silly and you didn’t have to think, just laugh til you plotz.

MOOOOOOO—-MOOOOOOOO! We’re setting sail on a sea cruise, aboard the S.S. Golden Delicious, on a “Faith of All Nations” ecumenical cruise. Unfortunately, the cast of Fiddler on the Roof  the professional troop scheduled to perform for the cruise passengers, have all gotten seasick except for Dave Edwards who plays the lead Tevye (of Fiddler on the Roof).

 

But all is not lost – Cruise Director  “WBT’s Sarah Palin” – at least Melody Joy Lapidus, the shapely Cruise Director, (wearing the tightest white skirt you’ll ever see, filled smartly by Stephanie Wahl), who looks like Ms. Palin, sounds like Ms. Palin, (and delivers a lot better) has good news for us.

 

 For two hours nightly the rest of the cruise, the laughs are back – with food! 

 

The laughs are corny, creaky, punny, preposterous, plays-on-words,  endearing, charming, bad, naughty, delivered by comediennes in habits. You’ll chuckle, giggle, promise yourself you won’t laugh at these stupid, bad silly jokes. You’ll roll-your-eyes, groan at the clunkers,  shake-your-head, I-don’t-believe-I’m seeing-this, I-don’t-believe-they-said-that, and laugh. 

 

There’s jokes that fly, jokes that flop, old jokes, dumb jokes, smart jokes, double-entendres, whoppers, mentally excruciating puns. You’ll learn to laugh again, I guarantee it.

 

It’ll come out of you slow at first. Sometimes the cruise gets becalmed. Some of the numbers aren’t exactly Broadway anthems. But, never fear,  the Little Sisters from Hoboken always have a joke or two, they always have a joke or two.

 

 From the big ocean liner whistle to the nautical p.a. system announcements (if you’ve ever cruised, you know what those announcements sound like) and you  can’t afford to go on a cruise this year – The Golden Delicious sets sail nightly with a floor show that is well, flooring.

 

 

After Sarah Palin, the Cruise Director, no, I’m sorry that’s Melody Joe Lapidus, played by Stephanie Wahl, informs us that the ship’s captain has prevailed on the Little Sisters to work with  Tevye, the lead in the sea-sicked sidelined Fiddler on the Roof  production played by David Edwards. The mismatched entertainers decide  to adlib and put together a show for the ecumenicals in the imaginary cruise ship audience.  The Sisters and Edwards, start this show of “the unexpected” with Anchors Aweigh. The Sisters mix their Catholic heritage with Tvye’s Jewish heritage to examine the nuances of both traditions. They explore guilt  in the song “Contrition,” which brought laughter of recognition from the audience. 

 

 

Something completely different:  Sister Amnesia’s magic act, where JeanneTinker (center) channels Goldie Hawn so cleverly – winning over the real life audience, which is understandably somewhat skeptical after the bizarre spectacle of the nuns and Tevye waving flags to Anchors Aweigh. Ms. Tinker also pays homage to Karnak The Magnificent (the Johnny Carson creation) with a perfectly played “mentalist” schtick, in which she engages the audience.

 

Understanding the revue format.

 

True to the tradition of the revue entertainment format—the show lurches from gimmick to song – to introspection. Meshuggah Nuns hits with some bits—missing horridly with others – and occasionally draws laughs  just from the bizarre directions this astonishing work – a work that Bialystock & Bloom might produce –rolls along.

 

There’s the Potchky Polka.  There’s the optimistic self-parody by Sister Amnesia singing a country song, “I’m always missing the boat, but my ship keeps coming In”

 

 

Reverend Mother entertains as Sophie Tucker (the first great vaudeville star) where Bonnie Lee swings her ample hips – singing“My Fat is My Fortune” that drops the audience’s jaws at the flamboyance, the audaciousness, and her silliness. If you do not like silly, dopey humor that relies on the understanding that you are supposed to laugh, you may be disappointed.

 

The Little Sisters from Hoboken save the smorgasboard of a First Act with a spectacular number – they include a traditional “show within a show” a staple in any  turn-of-the-century revue show. The Nuns and Mr. Edwards present a spoof of sea disaster –  Das Boat. 

 

Its preposterous staging brings down the house with dazed you-just-gotta-guffaw laughter that rings of incredulity at what they  have just seen. You have to see it to believe it. The madcap zany Das Boat  combines Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, complete with nun-eating giant squid; The Poseiden Adventure with the boat well, you know, capsizing; and Jaws featuring a nun-connoisseur great white shark, and Titanic in one 10-minute sequence.

 

After being exhausted by this madcap deranged scenario reprising every sea disaster movie, I regretted not ordering one of  Westchester Broadway Theatre’s new Luxury Desserts like Mocha Layer Cake among other custom prepared delicacies to regain my reviewer’s demanding demeanor.

 

The Das Boat sequence leaves you breathless, stunned, flabergasted, drained, dazed at the audacity, the stupidity,  the over-the-top, over-do-it comedy reminiscent of a Jerry Lewis pratfall marathon that will have you wondering as you reach for the layer cake, what just happened here.

 

Das Boat rivals the man-eating plant scenes in WBT’s  Little Shop of Horrors. Watching the nuns swim on stage will make an economist laugh.

 

On to the Second Act! There’s more!

 

The Second Act rolls along, lurches into amazing juxtapositions like any good revue – retaining just the feel of a “winged” show that the Sisters are making up with Tevye as they go along. It works!

 

Sister Robert Anne (Deborah Del Mastro) and Tevye (Edwards) deliver a charming duet A Love Like This, where each reminisces about how they love theatre: Tevye towards a girl he once knew, and Sister Robert Anne, Her Guy, (The Lord).

 

Next, it’s time for a little 40s! The Sisters spoof the Jewish American Princess image with an Andrews Sisters number, Three Shayna Maidels – that’s a real toe-tapper, synchronized in typical Andrews Sisters shuffle and spin, (including hairdos) where  they describe the ideal mensch every shayna maidel is looking to find. This show gives all a great chance to brush up on your Yiddish! 

 

 

 

Shades of Jackie Gleason’s Mother Fletcher’s Retail Shop!

 

 Reverend Mother and Tevye offer some very funny duty free items especially Matzo balls which are celebrated by the Nuns singing Matzo Matzo Man.

 

Yes, in Mesuggah Nuns you see all of what you’d like to see, and some of what you’d rather not see, folks.

 

The message of this show is that laughter helps you get through life. This, by the way, WBT publicistette, Pia Haas says is the world’s most beloved traveling order,  The Little Sisters of Hoboken  — those missionaryettes of yucks have been on the road for 26 years– one of the most prolific and longest running musical revues in the world according to Ms. Haas liner notes provided the distinguished members of the press, (even the not so distinguished reviewers like yours truly.)

 

A remembrance of things past.

 

MeshugahNuns brings back a time of simpler entertainment at the first decade of the twentieth century that would get you through life for awhile – the revue that includes a little bit of everything to try and please everybody.  With your prime rib, fish, or pasta, you get  two hours of a trip down memory lane of old jokes and new (the Henny Youngman jokebook is liberally borrowed from), plus there’s a little ecumenical Laugh-In, complete with a “NunWall,”  a little Loveboat, a little Henny Youngman on a rosarie.

 

It’s complete with my favorite, the puppet,  Sister Mary Annette – manipulated adroitly, hilariously by  the unpredictable Sister Amnesia, the Goldie Hawn “ditz-alike,” Jeanne Tinker.   Sister Mary Annette is a raunchy puppet  (through which Sister Amnesia lets her dark side out.  This show Sister Mary Annette the puppet delivers a sultry Mae West  singing Come on Up and See Me Sometime –  complete with rim-shot patter.

 

Sample of Sister Mary Annette’s puppet deadpan humor: “Someone asked me if I smoked in bed,”

 

“I said, I don’t know, I never looked.”

 

MeshuggahNuns brings the Golden Delicious into port with a rousing funny second act, and as you disembark from the S.S. Golden Delicious – you’ll leave with the laughs and feel good for awhile. At least, until March 21 at the WBT when it makes way for Funny Girl. The Box Office is 914-592-2222. For more information, go to the WBT website, www.broadwaytheatre.com.

 

 Now,  ladies and gentlemen,  as promised, before you disembark the SS. Golden Delicious…

 

What do you get when you pick up a Jewish Toad?

 

“Schwartz!”

 

 Of course!

 

(Rim-shot!)

 

 

 

WPCNR THE TAXI NEWS. By John F. Bailey. February 21, 2009: The Common Council was offered a draft of the Recommendations of the White Plains Taxi Industry Review Committee Thursday evening. The Common Council reserved comment with plans to hold considerable discussion on the measures that if adopted will change the ad hoc, loosely administered, and much publicly maligned taxi industry in White Plains.

 

The Traditional White Plains Taxi Chaos — Note Taxis in queue (yellow vehicles) — August 2007. WPCNR News Photo Archive

 

The measures of key interest recommend taxi stands be established at the Westchester Mall, Fortunoff, Wal-Mart (on Main Street), and City Center with bus shelters as taxi stands when buses end their runs for the day;  Parking Officer jurisdiction over non-White Plains taxi drivers’ unauthorized use of taxi stands and a $1,600 fine for each interloping taxi caught using a taxi stand illegally; Sale of medallions at auction to drivers using alternative fuel vehicles; A deadline for all licensed drivers to switch to alternative fuel taxis; An “800” Number dispatch system; and a metered system with base fare beginning at $5, and a “uniform” look to all cabs.

 

Melissa Lopez, Director of Economic Development and Coordinator of Public Information, Chairperson of the Taxi Industry Review Committee issued a copy of the Committee recommendations to WPCNR:

 

 

The White Plains Taxi Industry Advisory Committee was formed in February 2008 to discuss changes to the taxi ordinance in order to create a more customer friendly taxi service.   Residents and visitors to the City of White Plains often complained to the Mayor’s Office, Office of Public Safety and the White Plains Business Improvement District about the appearance of taxicabs, the ambiguity of fares, and the treatment received by taxi drivers.  Commuters complained of discourteous drivers who often times decline to take their fares and drivers who refuse to leave the station with one passenger as they prefer four passengers in their vehicle.  The committee was asked to review current practices by taxi drivers and to review the ordinance which was written in 1969.

            Upon review of the ordinance and discussions with taxi drivers, the Public Safety Department, the Traffic Department and the public, the committee has made the following recommendations:

 

1. A review of current taxi stands by the Traffic Commission must take place.  The Taxi Industry Review Committee recommends that stands be placed near the Westchester Mall, Fortunoff, Wal-Mart and City Center.  Another consideration is to use bus shelters as taxi stands after busses stop running.

 

2. Signage for the various taxicab stands in the city should be visible and easily identifiable to the public. 

 

3. Parking Enforcement Officers should be given the authority to fine non-White Plains taxi drivers who use the City of White Plains’ taxi stands.  The fine shall also be strictly enforced by the Courts.  If possible, explicit language should be written in the ordinance that does not allow for a reduction of fines.

 

4. The Public Safety Department should incorporate training about the taxi industry in regular police officer training.

 

5. The Public Safety Department should have more than one officer as liaison to the taxi drivers.

 

6. Taxicabs without City of White Plains medallions should not be allowed to pick up passengers within city limits or use taxi stands.  Fines should be increased for non-White Plains drivers illegally picking up passengers.  (ie. $1,600.00 fine if caught using White Plains taxi stand)

 

7. Taxi companies from neighboring communities should be notified of new fines for the violation and compliance regulations. 

 

 

8. The City of White Plains should make a number of medallions available to be sold in an auction to licensed taxi drivers who own alternative fuel vehicles for taxi purposes.  The taxi ordinance should be amended to include a section defining alternative fuel vehicles and the auction process.

 

9. The City should set a date for taxi drivers to switch over to alternative fuel vehicles. 

 

10. Alternative fuel vehicles that can are appropriate for taxi purposes are the hybrid versions of the Ford Escape, Nissan Altima, and Chevy Malibu. (insert EPA classification)

 

 

11. All taxicabs should have the rates and medallion numbers on the driver side door and the front passenger door.  The taxicab company logo should be on both sides of the vehicle on the back passenger doors and on the hood and trunk of the vehicle.  Medallions need to be visible to the public. 

 

12. The City of White Plains should create a rider education program and conduct a survey of Metro North passengers who ride on White Plains taxi’s about their experiences with taxicab drivers.

 

13. A “1-800” number should be created for riders to dispatch taxi drivers to their location. 

 

 

14. The City of White Plains taxicab service should switch to a metered system by a specified date.  Base fare should start at $5.00. 

 

15. Prior to switching to a metered system, the minimum taxi fare should be changed to $5.00

 

16. The City of White Plains Taxi Ordinance should allow for cameras to be placed in taxicabs

 

17. Taxicabs should be outfitted to incorporate the use of brail and/or audio information access in all vehicles

 

18. Taxi drivers should use a standard uniform White Plains taxi receipt approved by the Commissioner of Public Safety.

 

19. Taxi company dispatchers should maintain a log of all calls that come into the office; the log should say when the calls are coming in, to what location and who has the call been dispatched to.

 

20. The proposed fee changes should be made to the ordinance:

–          Renewal Fee should include the fee for two random inspections at $250.  This should be a yearly fee.

–          The transfer fee for anyone purchasing a medallion should change from $70 to $500. 

–          Taxi hack license fee should be changed to $50.

–          The fee for a driver switching companies or vehicle should be changed from $25 to $50.

–          The fee for replacing a button or license should be changed from $10 to $25.

–          Taxi drivers not in compliance with the taxi ordinance should be fined $250.

 

21. The taxi ordinance should be changed to:

–          Clearly state that the Traffic Commission is the authority that decides where taxi stands are placed in the CITY OF WHITE PLAINS and that the commission decides where to place signs and wording of signage

–          Define the rates charged under the metered system if and when the system is put into the place

–          Explicitly state the repercussions (fines) that will take place if a customer complains about being overcharged.

–          Encourage the use of advertising inside vehicles and allow types of advertising used in other communities.

–          Emphasize enforcement. 

–          Establish fines that discourage current abuses in the system. 

–          Vary the types of vehicles that can be used as cabs such as, sedans, SUV’s and/or minivan’s.

–          Specify emissions standards for taxicab vehicles.

–          Create a uniform taxi system.  All vehicles should be taxis –not cars for hire or liveries. 

–          Require taxicabs to accept senior citizen rate cards and provide a discount.

–          Clearly state that taxi drivers should refrain from using their cell phones while a customer is in the vehicle

 

22.  The City of White Plains Taxi Ordinance should adopt components of the WCTLC ordinance.